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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22600666">Confessions under the moonlight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrimsonValley/pseuds/TheCrimsonValley'>TheCrimsonValley</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>...and they were stable mates, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, oh my god they were stable mates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 15:01:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22600666</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrimsonValley/pseuds/TheCrimsonValley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirean doesn't meddle much with the camp's members. Despite being thankful for their relative acceptance, he is and always has been a person preferring little human company. So when, one night, Bill comes to him having had one too many, he feels like slipping away from him. Except Bill seems in a confessing mood and feels much softer than usual. Maybe, for once, this isn't the time for Kieran to run away.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kieran Duffy/Bill Williamson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Confessions under the moonlight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stillness. For once there was a silence that had claimed the surroundings, one that brought along a sense of comfort. Naturally, Kieran was aware of the expression “the calm before the storm” yet he ignored it for now, choosing instead to treasure the moment of stillness as he pulled the brush over his horse's coat. </p><p>It wasn't that he didn't like the rowdy tones around camp or the chattering or the jokes or squabbles or songs. Right the opposite, at times it was a source of delight, even though he preferred to enjoy it on distance. The fact was simply that he had come to take a certain enjoyment out of being in a state where his thoughts could run semi free without the panic of having to be on his toes in sudden conversations. He had to admit it, all members of the van der Linde gang knew exactly how to catch him unprepared, an action that at times rendered him deep in thoughts if they were doing so on purpose or not. </p><p>Putting the brush down, he turned, tugging his sleeves up while heading for the hay bales. The hour was already late and he could tell that most of the others had tugged back for a rest yet he didn't feel ready. As many hours as possible he would spend here, among the horses, caring for their needs. It was easier to be around them than other people, that had been a life lesson that only rang more true for each day that passed and he found himself more than willing to take some of the jabs and comments thrown his way due to this fact. </p><p>Reaching for some of the hay, Kieran froze halfway through his gesture. In the darkness he had caught sight of something lumbering his way, at first glance feeling panic rush through his body before being able to make out it was no wild beast that had snuck too far down the mountains. Upon realizing this, his mind did not still from its frenzied state. This was a shape he had come to learn belonged to Bill Williams and, by all signs, the man was not sober by a long shot. </p><p>Despite his thoughts trying to rush for an easy exit, he dug his hands into the hay bale and with a stride that he could only beg was natural, he moved back towards the horses once more. Many a time he had made sure to scurry off upon any sign that anyone in the gang was getting too far down the bottle, cowering in the shadows like a frightened child most of the times. He just needed to stay out of trouble, that had become his mantra and the best way to do so was to keep out of the way of anyone that wouldn't have all their senses about them. </p><p>In a grand mixture of panic and surprise, he watched how Bill stopped, almost as if he had lost his way completely and then spinning around with the elegance of a tree trunk before steering the unsteady steps his way. Chewing onto his lower lip, Kieran felt thankful that he had the horse in between himself and the other man and the mare seemed to care little for anyone's drunk antics, an attitude he wished he could absorb. Despite the feeling of shrinking in the other man's presence, he forced forward a smile. </p><p>“You always skulking 'bout here.” </p><p>Bill's words sounded slightly slurred yet nowhere near the point Kieran himself had first worried about. Just this small sign was enough for his shoulders to stop tensing. </p><p>“Just about wrapping things up” he answered while patting the mare's side, feeling how his every movement felt three times clunkier than normal. </p><p>It had become an art to move around intoxicated people and one he at least hoped he had mastered. From his own hidey holes he had watched how the rest of the gang handled one another whenever someone had indulged just a little too much and it had made him painfully aware of the fact that none of them were behaviours he himself could adopt. To be as courageous or aggressive as many of them were would be a death sentence for someone like him who could muster up a stance with a straight back only on the best of days.</p><p>Feeling his thoughts drifting, the silence almost suffocating, he turned once more towards the hay. With some luck Bill would tire himself out and he could at least pretend like the rest of the horses hadn't had their fill. It was all about buying time at this moment or so he thought has he took a few steps away from the mare's side. </p><p>“Why do you hate me?” </p><p>Almost as if the other man had waited for an opening, Bill's hand shoot out, soon grasping onto Kieran's upper arm in a manner so tight he could not help but to wonder if he was even aware of his own strength. For a split second, he contemplated if he should shout, as his mind told him to do. It was common sense that kept his lips firmly shut. Who would he shout for? Whose individual's skirt could he possibly hide under? </p><p>“D... don't be silly” he stuttered out instead, trying to discreetly eel his way out of the grip “I don't hate ya Bill.” </p><p>The grasp tightened and, despite not wishing to, Kieran felt himself winching before whining out a “ouch, come on, it hurts!”. Almost at the moment the words left his lips he was grasped by panic, a worry riding his mind of how he had done nothing but anger the other man further yet he felt himself stumped with surprised upon seeing Bill quickly let him go, muttering and cursing to himself. </p><p>“Look, I've been trying, I've really been trying to be your pal.” </p><p>Kieran remained silent, just watching the other man take a few wavering steps, raising and slumping his arms back down in a clear sign of frustration. Carefully he took a few steps backwards, keeping his arms close towards his own body, trying in some manner to become as tiny as he possibly could in the other man's presence. In a manner of speaking, he could not help but to feel like any other animal in nature when confronted with a creature of more intimidating size and demeanour, cowering back to assure his own safety. </p><p>“I mean, I didn't trust you” Bill continued, his hands scratching the back of his neck “but look none of us did 'cause you were an O'driscoll boy but now you're one of us and...” </p><p>There came a low “damn it!” from the other man's lips, his words bringing little comfort for himself and only heaping a wave of confusion over Kieran. Seeing how Bill once more turned, he took a little meek step backwards, still wishing to keep some distance between them. </p><p>“I tried... damn it I really tried this time.” </p><p>Before he could muster up any response, he watched Bill sinking to his knees. A long silence followed and it was first when he heard the familiar heaving that Kieran's mind kicked back in. The temptation had ridden his body to just take the opportunity and run yet he found himself unable to do so. Gathering what little semblance of courage he had, he moved up to the other man's side, grasping his arm and putting it over his shoulder. </p><p>The small journey, consisting of him trying to keep Bill steady on his legs, only lasted a few feet but it was enough. Hearing the other man utter a curse, he once more allowed him to sink down onto his knees and, much to his own surprise, Kieran found himself calmly remaining by his camp mate's side, actually gently patting onto Bill's large shoulders as the man emptied what content his stomach still held. </p><p>Silence laid around them, only interrupted by the heaving form Bill and the occasional hoots from nearby owls. Unconsciously, Kieran kept an ear open for anyone approaching their location. Perhaps there would soon be someone giving amused lines about the entire debacle or reprimand them for so carelessly stumbling about like this. Hearing how the other man's breath slowly started to steady, he felt quite happy with the fact that no one seemed to have taken notice of them. It was either that or no one was sober enough to care. </p><p>“Wait” Kieran murmured “I'll get ya some water.” </p><p>He had not been too keen on drinks himself but he knew one thing very well, once one's stomach was empty the only thing that would wash the taste out was a good gulp of water. Scurrying back towards the horses, he grasped one of the buckets he had left pre-filled and carried it back with ease, after all this had become a gesture he would repeat several times a day. To himself he could not help but to amuse the thought that if there was ever any prize money for carrying water longer distances, he could try and become a master of that. </p><p>Upon returning, Bill had managed to seat himself more comfortably against a large tree. Even in the faint light from the moon, Kieran could tell how pale he was. Arriving to his side, surprise once more caught a hold of him as the other man simply grabbed the entire pail of water and, in a less than graceful way, downed as much as possible. The result was half of the water missing completely, instead running down Bill's shirt and creating droplets in his beard. </p><p>Kneeling down, Kieran felt as if they both awaited what would happen next. It was a gamble, that he had observed. Either things would come to a halt or it would rinse and repeat. Sitting in silence he once more got caught by the idea of how surreal the entire thing was. Spending time in stillness was not an action he had ever imagined he would do with someone like the other man. </p><p>Or perhaps that was not completely true. He had not been lying when he had tried to slip out of the conversation: he didn't hate Bill. In fact he didn't hate any of them but it brought a little pinch of pain to his heart that the other man had been thinking as such. Sure, he was large, frightening and could sometimes fall into fits of anger and shouts but that didn't translate into hatred. At some instances it had been right the opposite instead: pity. They all had moments of weakness but what he himself had observed, even on the outskirts of things, was that once this brash man's outer shell slipped, he appeared to be little more than a man stranded at sea with no life line in sight. </p><p>“I know how it is you know.” </p><p>Bill's words cut through the silence, drawing Kieran from his own thoughts and back to where he was. With his head tilted slightly, he furrowed his brows yet not interrupting. He was none too certain where this was going but he could feel in his stomach that this was not the time for questions. </p><p>“Everyone's always at your heels, shoving you around and acting like you're some unreliable piece of shit” the other man continued “and it's the blood worst.” </p><p>A soft smile leapt onto Kieran's lips as he nodded, unsure if Bill was even able to make it out in the darkness around them. No matter how he felt the chill of the night creep into his clothes, he did not wish to move just yet, feeling a strange captivation in the oddly warm and honest way the other man was speaking. </p><p>“But I know, okay, I know how it is when you need to hide and that's why I want to be your friend, you understand?” </p><p>“That's awful kind of you.” </p><p>“Well I mean... Unless you wanna be more than friends.” </p><p>A prolonged silence fell between them. It seemed that, despite the fact that Bill had been the one uttering those words, he was as caught off guard as Kieran himself. A warmth crept over his own cheeks, rushing through his body and making him tingle all the way out to his fingertips, all the while his mind screeching for a clarification of this statement.</p><p>It was not like he was unfamiliar with what it could possibly mean. No matter how stupid he was appearing to the rest of the camp, he had observed their little liaisons or at least understood the subtext of them. Without digging his feet deep into it all, he felt pretty confident in his observation that there were relations going on inside and outside of this camp, the rule of thumb being to mind one's own business it seemed.</p><p>“...What...?” </p><p>His words were not exactly what he had wished to formulate yet it was all he could possibly utter, his cheeks still burning brightly as he found himself unable to stop nervously smiling. It was little more than a defence mechanism, a hope that a warm smile would be enough to subdue even the wildest of beasts. There came a low mutter from Bill, something along the line of “to hell with it all”, a snippet which lulled Kieran into the belief that what had been uttered was little more than a slip of the tongue. </p><p>In one swift movement, which passed by so quickly his mind barley registered it, his shoulders were grabbed. First when his nose collided with Bill's did he realize that their lips were locked into a kiss. In between the beats of his heart, which rate seemed to increase rapidly, Kieran mustered a soft muffled noise, wincing from the slight burning pain from the bump. </p><p>A million thoughts crossed through his mind, a mix of panic, shame and cravings all rolled together into an intangible ball of yarn he wished to keep at an arm's length distance. His knee-jerk reaction screeched for him to push the other man away yet no matter how he tried to come to terms with the request he could not. No matter how the other man carried a smell of whiskey upon him and the roughness of his beard cut towards his lips, there was a warmth, one that Kieran could only describe as intoxicating. </p><p>As Bill tugged back, he felt himself leaning into the kiss for just a moment longer until their lips were permanently separated. Gathering up his scattered thoughts, Kieran glanced at the man before him who seemed almost desperate to not meet his gaze. In the light from the moon he caught a look of pure panic in the other man's eyes. </p><p>“You gonna run your mouth all around camp about this?” </p><p>The tone was one of defeat rather than defence, which he could not help but to admit was quite unlike Bill, at least during daytime hours. Had the sun been shining, the wind been harsh and the others more present around them, Kieran felt certain he would have had a threat coming his way. None of those things rang true now however. It was only them in the darkness, far enough from camp to bring them both peace and vulnerability.</p><p>“No” he answered, his heart once more picking up its pace “... not if you do it again.” </p><p>Those were the boldest words he had uttered during his entire time with the van der Linde gang. He also took note that this was the first time he could count when he, of all people, had caught one of them off guard. There was an expression of disbelief written all over Bill's face, as if the other man was expecting it all to be some sort of great joke made at his expense. </p><p>Diving head first into the sensation of warmth instead of worry, Kieran tugged forward and, despite wishing it to be more graceful than he could muster, he managed to slide up into the other man's lap. Paying greater attention this time, he tilted his head just about enough to ensure their noses would not bump once more as he went in for a second kiss. </p><p>The thought flew through his mind that it was like holding ice up towards a fire. While at first Bill remained as rigid as a board, the kiss was soon answered with such a passion that Kieran felt the need to dig his fingers into the other man's clothes to keep himself upright. The sensation of the other man's large hands tugging him in closer made his heart leap up in his chest, his nerves trembling in a fashion he had almost forgotten was possible. </p><p>Leading had never been his strong suit yet this time, with them both hurled in the darkness of the night, he felt a surge of courage coming to him. With trembling fingers he managed to push Bill's coat out of the way, searching almost feverishly for the contact of his skin. In retaliation he felt the other man tug his hat off, muttering in between a kiss of how it was “in the bloody way”. Smiling, Kieran did not protest the sentiment. </p><p>With a joined curiosity, he continued the process of undoing the other man's shirt, feeling how his companion followed close behind yet always awaiting his actions first. Not uttering the thought, Kieran could not help but to describe the actions as warm yet careful, almost as if Bill was convinced he was some mirage of the sun that would soon enough melt away and leave him all by himself. </p><p>Drawing a deep breath in between one of their kisses, he finally worked up the courage to move his fingers down, sliding them along the other man's belly and fumbling with the buckle of his belt. For a brief second he could feel how the man before him froze up, a gesture that caused him to tug his fingers back. </p><p>“Don't stop” Bill muttered, his tone seeping with desperation “bloody hell don't stop!” </p><p>Kieran obliged. Without another moment of hesitation he managed to free both himself and his companion from their constraints and, with his lips still firmly locked onto the other man, he grasped their members together. A rumbling moan rose from Bill's lips and it caused him to give a nervous yet warm chuckle, whispering a gentle “shh, silly bear.”. Though it had not been intentional to speak upon such a sweet tone, his heart felt light as there came no angry response. </p><p>His fingers moved on their own, working towards the so sought after goal to bring them both sweet release. Kieran felt how his companion's hands grasped him firmly, pushing them closer together, their lips interlocked still as if their very livelihood depended upon it. Whenever they would stop, each one to gasp for breath, he would soon enough hear Bill's voice whispering for him not to, to not let go, to keep going. </p><p>Despite his best of efforts, Kieran felt his mind slowly fogging up, the mixture of impressions soon coming together as his body tensed. A soft moan slipped over his lips as he finally reached his peak, sinking completely into the desperate embrace of the other man.   With a satisfied sensation, he soon felt Bill joining him, their lips thankfully muffling his companion's growling moan. </p><p>Sighing softly, he finally separated his lips from the other man's, only to move his head down onto his shoulder. The grip in which he was lock remained tight yet it did not bother him to be restricted, right the opposite. For the first time in a long while, Kieran felt as safe as he could ever hope to be.</p>
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